Moment in time - octopus and kayaker

a moment in time - octopus and kayaker

so first we had to split up into groups and then we all started
writing our own individuals ones and then after that, we had
to read each other and give feedback than after that we had
 to all use the feedback we got. Then we made our collaborative
 version. here is all the work we did.

Ana	In this picture, it looks like there is a group of men kayaking and suddenly out of nowhere a seal jumps out of the ocean and throws up an octopus that lands onto a man who is kayaking. He got all wet and surprised. On the octopus, you could see that it has sharp tentacles and very wet and this salmon kind of colour skin. When the octopus went back into the ocean it looked so cool because you could see bubbles coming up from the ocean. When the octopus flew in the air some salty water came from the ocean and splashed onto the man, so I think that he could taste some salt water. The man was wearing a life jacket so that if he falls into the sea he would be safe and not drown. It looks like he is on his way to an island. There is a nice light blue sky with the shiny sun scorching onto the mans back at the same time.	Hi Ana, I like how you are starting to use descriptive words in your writing. Maybe next time if you double check your work then that would be great! Keep up the great work Ana! Your story is very interesting because you had put interesting words into the story.
collaborative version	Glazing sun shines against the clear blue sea, as the ocean surrounds them. Fading blue sky reflects upon the deep calm ocean. On the shallow end of the mountain, meadow grass hills overflow with hot, dry sand at the bottom of the shore. Out of nowhere something pops out of the ocean uncovering a salmon colour octopus with a small black silky seal throwing the octopus up in the air. Suddenly the octopus lands on a man who is kayaking in a bright yellow kayak.